This is a merry season, much more than any other holiday. When families gather (sometimes that’s a bad thing) to celebrate a multitude of things.
There are also many stories that go along with the season, namely Santa Claus. This isn’t the only season to resurrect a fictional deity for the benefit of imagination. Easter is another that comes to mind. That damn bunny leaving eggs all over your yard. Screw that. I’d rather have the presents Satan Klaws brings!
So, this all begs the question, why do we keep lying to our children about these fictional characters? I remember when I found out that Santa wasn’t real. It destroyed me. My mom gave me the standard bullshit that Santa wasn’t an actual person but represented love and happiness.
So tell your children that LOVE and HAPPINESS brought them the GI Joe with the Kung Fu grip!! Stop bullshitting your kids.
Instead of the Tooth Fairy, tell them it was Drunk Daddy Fairy.
Instead of the Easter Bunny, tell them it was Wheelchair Granny that left those eggs…and that’s why they smell so badly.
Instead of Santa, tell them it was The “I maxxed out my AmEx and now we’re fucked” Fairy! Because that’s closer to the truth than some fat, drunk, jolly fucker who flies around in a sled pulled by magic reindeer with glowing noses! That’s so stupid you might as well believe in a hippie who walked on water!!
