Lint Upon Tweed

Lately I’ve been on a poetry kick and even started writing some really ridiculous poems myself.  I have received inspiration from a couple of poets.  Yes, you’ll cringe….and some of you will love it!  I know Danielle will.

Poe is the first.  What a brilliant…and sick mind he had.  The second one if Tim Burton.  I picked up a copy of The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and fell in love immediately.  The poems/limmericks are simplistic and poignant.  Almost everything in the small book is social commentary of some sort, but funny at the heart of the poem.

I am in no way trying to compare myself to Burton or Poe.  I’m just having fun writing these things.  I feel they still need work but I wanted to get them on the blog for all to laugh at!  Some are fun and some are stupid.  But I think you’ll agree that they all reflect how immature I truly can be.  At least that’s what my wife tells me.

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{The Witch With A Twitch was originally published in the previous post but I included it here again.  So sue me!}

The Witch With A Twitch

There once was a witch; a witch with a twitch
It bothered her night and day.
She cast a spell in hopes to quell
But the twitch was here to stay

She cursed and durst and turned a verse
to make the twitch so flee.
But in the end the cursed was penned
Here to stay it will be.

The twitch did itch, her eyes did pitch.
They lost all energy.
Without her sight, life was blight,
She really couldn’t see.

One day a fine lad, he knocked on her pad
He knew not what was she.
Upon opening the door, it was to his horror
A blind witch with a twitch he did see.

She invited him in, to sit in her den
Her story began to unfold.
It seems she was sad and then became mad,
And turned a prince into a toad.

A curse came alight, that gave her this plight
The twitch would her punishment be.
See prince had a curse that placed on the worst
If a toad he was turned and shall be.

Since the witch couldn’t see, she was starving, in need
And had long had a craving for lad
So she pulled out her wand with intent to abscond
And hopes of a meal to be had.

The lad was too quick; the witch not too slick
And away he was gone in a flash.
When all was complete, she confronted defeat
her house was now nothing but ash.

A lesson was learned and now fully earned
It’s best to not go off the wall.
If sad becomes mad and mad becomes bad,
You better just walk away from it all!

Sock Boy was born with a splatter of goo.
It followed him everywhere, even to school.
When he sat down on the moving bus,
He stuck to the seat and couldn’t get up.

Penny the pen, a life to be spent.
She left ink on the ground wherever she went.
Never to fear, whatever the cost.
For Penny the Pen would never get lost!

Just follow the trail of ink on the floor.
It takes her back to her own front door.
But one day her ink got shallow and dried.
The pen was now empty; she died.

Suzie Q was feeling blue.
She had no date; this much was true.
The day of hearts was coming near
And Suzie Q was showing fear.

If she sat alone, alone that day
Depression could not be held at bay.
She must, oh must, find a date.
The time is now, it’s getting late.

Johnny B was feeling fine.
The day of hearts would pass him by.
No money spent on worthless gifts.
No loves lost on petty rifts.

To the club, he would go.
Drink a beer; watch a ho.
And when he had no more cash,
Alone he’d go; alone and trashed.

One day at work, the two did meet.
Him sitting down; her on her feet.
He took a long, perverted stare
And decided one night he could bear.

So he asked for a date on the night of hearts.
Her fragile state; tricked a sweetheart.
They set the time to meet for drinks.
Showered and shaved, so not to jinx.

Dinner was fine, the dancing great.
Off to bed, it’s getting late.
The question came, yours or mine?
Johnny thought, my lucky time!

After the deed was done and sealed
Suzy ashamed, Johnny reeled!
Suzy would take the walk of shame.
Johnny told his workers, “she came.”

A few weeks later, Suzy was late.
Johnny shit bricks; he’d sealed his fate.
He begged and pleaded, “I’m dead alas.”
The next time this happens come in her….

Amy eats Apples

Biddy eats Beans

Cate has some Cabbage {and}

Denny is Clean

Ethan’s a Hawk

Freddie fell on the floor

Ginny’s a Slave {and}

Harry’s her Whore

Ibid is Lost {and}

Jerry’s a Fairy

Ken has a Pen {and}

Larry hates Dairy

Mary’s a Mat {for}

Nate the narcissist

Ophelia’s an Orphan {but}

Penny just got pissed!

Quinn has no Fins {because}

Ren stole his rump

Sally loves all sins {and}

Tim has a hump

Uke is useless {and}

Vinnie’s a Vamp

Wess tapped a waitress {but}

Xavier got the clap!

Yellow is mellow {and}

Zulu is fate

This dumb rhyme is over

It’s me that you hate!